Where am I?
This is a question I ask myself every year around my birthday in assessment of the previous year of life. I'm an analyzer, assessor, and goal oriented type of person. This time can be encouraging. This time can be eye opening. This time can be insert just about any range of emotions or thought processes possible.
As I look on this past year, I see so much joy and so much pain. I see so much God.
There's times I sit and think about the deep desires of my heart that haven't necessarily manifested in my life, but that doesn't really get me anywhere. Those moments look like me taking inventory and continuing to place those things in the Lord's hands, knowing that if this is a desire He has placed inside of me, He will fulfill it. If it isn't a desire from Him, He will transform it.
The most important, deepest desire in my heart is to know the Lord intimately. I truly believe that if that's my sole desire, it'll never go unmet. Even if I never get married or mother my own biological children, I will extol the Lord at all times. His praise will continually be on my mouth (Psalm 34:1).
"One thing I have asked from the Lord, that I shall seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the Lord
And to meditate in His temple" (Psalm 27:4).
I'm excited, hopeful, and expectant for the year of life ahead. Though, as the birthdays come and go and the years don't feel different from one to another, I feel a shift in my heart and my focus. My goal this year is to fall more in love with Jesus and allow the Lord to continue to mold and shape my heart to be more like His.
I refuse to ever entertain the pity party of hope deferred (Proverbs 13:12) because my God, through how He has loved me, promises me more than anything I could ever attain myself, an eternity with Him. I'm thankful for my friends and family who have walked with me, been patient with me, challenged me, and loved me beyond what I even know.
The Lord is good and his love endures forever (Psalm 100:5).
Confession: I don't do any of this perfectly.